Metamorphosis

  I found nine one dollar bills all crumpled up individually in the laundry yesterday. Hmm.  Where did this come from? Did I sleepwalk and do some exotic dancing unaware?  Do I even own a G-string? Would people pay to see me take my clothes off?  Actually, they would be more likely to pay to watch me put them back on! Only $9.00?  Of course, being 100 pounds overweight probably doesn't make a good exotic dancer.  And at 72 could I even successfully work the pole? I could fall and break a hip. So many questions. Oh well, being a good money launderer I heated up the iron and pressed them all out nice and crisp. I could have used spray starch for a really nice appearance but passed on that option. Maybe I'll have to give it another go after the weight loss. Well, probably not...still 72 years old.  Oh well.  The mystery isn't solved, but I am $9.00 richer.

I created this little quote with a photo I'd taken of a dragonfly several years ago. I find these quotes help keep me on the right path. This sums up my decision to have this surgery. When the surgeon discussed the options with me, medications versus surgery I dismissed the medication route immediately.  Not only was the idea of turning myself into a human pincushion by injecting the meds for the rest of my life but the cost of doing so.  Most of these medications are not covered by insurance, at least not for weight loss, and can run as high as $1500 a month.  When you stop using them, the problems come right back.  I knew for me the only way this would work would be to remove all options from myself. The best way to do that would be to have the surgery and deal with a tiny stomach for the rest of my life.  That in itself brings along some expense with the cost of the special vitamins and supplements as well as a complete change in my eating habits, but that seemed the lesser evil

I'm getting closer and closer to the finish line. My last medical exam was to have a chest x-ray and I received the orders for it Monday.   As luck would have it, I was able to get in the same day. Easy peasy. Tuesday night we watched the Oprah special on the Weight Loss revolution where she discussed the use of injectable meds for weight loss. It was very interesting and explained that obesity is a disease and has nothing to do with lack of willpower. That felt good to hear, because for years I've felt it was "just genetics" or "laziness" which leads to a lot of self-shaming. I've been fortunate that I've not had a lot of public shaming except for a man once at McDonald's who I had gotten in his way and when I paused to let him pass he called me a "g-d damn fat cow".  That really stung. There is a thing called body dysmorphia where people who have always been heavy still see themselves as fat after losing weight. A friend of mine still

  Well, it's getting real.  I've just been given my instructions for pre-surgery and post surgery. There were four of us in the teleconference group, so we must be going at about the same time. Looks like it's time to clean up those bad eating habits for good soon. Clean cupboards of unhealthy foods. Check.  Wean of caffeine and carbonation. Did this with exception of savoring a coke when I'm out.  Drink 64 oz of water each day. Check. All protein drinks need to be  caffeine free and at least 20 grams of protein and less than 200 calories. I've been experimenting with several of these, so that's ready. They're not the greatest tasting things, but hey...easy protein and will come in handy in the beginning. Two weeks prior to surgery it's an all liquid diet to shrink the liver so they can safely lift it out of the way to access the stomach. It will be all liquids while in hospital afterwards, but she assures us we're going to be sleeping a lot and won&

  These look so yummy and there are so many variations. I'm enjoying that meat and cheese is a plus for bringing protein into my diet. So many of the foods I avoided before are now encouraged. So strange.

  My clinic offers online seminars and the topic for last night "Weight Loss Mentality". This is so relevant because a good deal of this journey is conquering the mental hunger. Actual hunger is satisfied by eating pretty much anything.  Mental hunger is more along the craving variety where you want one specific thing and feel like you'll die if you can't get it.  Yeah, pretty much like being a junkie. Sugar is so addictive, whether it's real sugar or a synthetic sugar. This is a major problem for me since I have a major sweet tooth.  I've managed to stop my coke zero habit but currently will indulge in one when I'm dining out. This will have to stop after the surgery as I won't be allowed caffeine, carbonation or straws.  Sigh.

  I'm a bit weird this way (well, in many ways if we're being honest), but I can't stand popsicles because of the wooden stick.  As soon as my tongue touches the wood I can't stand it.   So when I found this plastic set for making my own popsicles I had to give it a whirl. Here is my first batch ready to go into the freezer.  I filled them with Premier Protein Cookie Dough flavor. There was a little bit left over so that's chilling for me to enjoy tonight.