A bump in the road

I'm getting closer and closer to the finish line. My last medical exam was to have a chest x-ray and I received the orders for it Monday.   As luck would have it, I was able to get in the same day. Easy peasy.

Tuesday night we watched the Oprah special on the Weight Loss revolution where she discussed the use of injectable meds for weight loss. It was very interesting and explained that obesity is a disease and has nothing to do with lack of willpower. That felt good to hear, because for years I've felt it was "just genetics" or "laziness" which leads to a lot of self-shaming. I've been fortunate that I've not had a lot of public shaming except for a man once at McDonald's who I had gotten in his way and when I paused to let him pass he called me a "g-d damn fat cow".  That really stung.

There is a thing called body dysmorphia where people who have always been heavy still see themselves as fat after losing weight. A friend of mine still sees herself as fat even though she wears a size 4 jeans and is very tiny.  I've always thought of myself as slender, because most of my life that's what I was and when I see a photo of myself or catch my reflection I'm stunned to see how big I am.  I remember the first time I saw my reflection in a window and I had to back up and wave my hands before I would believe that really was  me.  The mind can play some incredible tricks.

So today when my PA called me to tell me the chest x-ray showed a nodule in my lung it was an emotional setback to say the least. He ordered a CT scan to investigate and I took the first opening they had on March 26 at 7:00am.  I'll get up early for that!  Meanwhile I've been researching on Google to learn everything I can.

Apparently less than 5% of lung nodules are cancerous, so that was comforting. It seems to depend on the location (upper lobe is more likely to be cancer), size (over 9mm) and appearance (jagged edges are more likely to be cancerous).  So I'm anxious to learn more. Until I have this info I won't know if they'll want to just monitor it to see if it grows (indication of cancer) or if it's large and they'll want to do a biopsy.

I'm hoping this is a minor hiccup and won't delay my surgery since I'm getting closer to finding out a date.

I've always said, undergoing this journey has provided me with the best physical I've ever had.  When they did the endoscopy I learned I had irritation and was prescribed omeprazole for reflux and they did a biopsy to rule out celiac disease (which I do not have).

Reviewing my records this morning I also found I have Type II diabetes mellitus with no complications.  What?  I've never known I had that and am not on any medications for this at all.

All the more reason to get this surgery and try to reverse the diabetes, hopefully cure the sleep apnea and get my cholesterol down.  It's a strange feeling to feel so healthy and find out you really aren't.