A new beginning

 I didn't realize when I changed the name of my blog to Metamorphosis just how accurate that was to be. This blog is mainly for me to chronicle my journey, but open to anyone who wants to read along. I've always been very open with my life and everything in it.

There was a niggling little voice in the back of my head that was warning me to do something about my weight. It told me I'd been lucky so far but if nothing changed my good times would be over. I listen to those voices. Well, not all of them...but this one sounded important.

So, I scheduled an appointment with a bariatric surgeon at Banner just to explore the options. He asked if I'd always been heavy and I had to laugh. I've never weighed over 120 until about my 50's (other than 130 pounds when nine months pregnant) when my body had a full fledged mutiny and I blew up like a balloon in the Macy's Day parade.  Looking back it was probably due to many stressors in my life and having undiagnosed sleep apnea and depression.

Starting my life with a cpap machine and getting on some very lovely drugs was a good start, but the weight didn't want to leave its new home.  I tried Weight Watchers more than once, Noom, and many others that I've forgotten about. I would lose 30 pounds and put it back on with an extra 10 or 20. It was here and not willing to leave, like a visit from an annoying house guest that just wouldn't get the hint.

It's not lack of discipline. I have achieved a Master Gardener standing, I'd landscaped the entire yard at the house we had in Wisconsin by myself, I've achieved a black belt in karate and ran a marathon.  I know I can stick to things and see them through, but my downfall is the emotional eating.

I think it started when I was a very underweight scrawny kid and my Grandma would ply me with ice cream, cookies, candy...anything to pump calories into me.  Of course that didn't help my ADD so I quickly ran off any calories I may have gained. I miss that little girl who ran and ran all day long and climbed trees and didn't care about eating unless she had to. The other theory is that a shaman told me during a soul retrieval ceremony that I had died in the Holocaust. I've always felt that and it's what made me want to convert to Judaism many decades ago. But as she explained it, I didn't die in the camps. I was hidden by someone and that person for whatever reason was unable to come back for me and I starved to death. Hence the feeling of danger if I didn't have something to eat near me at all times. Who knows?

The doctor said if I were a family member of his he would recommend the gastric vertical sleeve procedure. The gastric bypass is more invasive, a longer surgery and there's a malabsorption of vitamins and nutrients because of way things are rerouted. Not that the sleeve is an easy thing either. The surgery is done laparoscopically and the stomach is stapled and stitched, the excess stomach is removed through one of the holes in the belly leaving a stomach the size of a banana. I'll never look at a banana the same way again.

And so the journey begins. I need to have four visits one month apart, and several health tests to make sure everything is ok. I've had two of the monthly visits and another later this month. The last one will be in March and then they should be able to schedule the surgery. I've already seen the cardiologist and my heart is good. Had the endoscopy where they run a camera down my throat to take a tour of the neighborhood. That came back fine with the exception of some inflammation on a node that he took a biopsy to check for celiac disease. This doesn't bother me because bread and the like won't be on my diet much for a long, long time anyway so needing to avoid gluten-not a big deal. Still waiting to hear on this, will probably learn the results at my next monthly visit.  The psych exam is scheduled for Valentines Day and that shouldn't be a problem, although all my friends who know of my journey have said "well, you were good up to there". Some friends.

Prior to the surgery there's a two week liquid diet to shrink the liver and then after surgery the real fun begins. Liquid diet and then pureed food for the first month. Then soft food and later on introducing real food a little a time to see what I can tolerate and what I can't. It's like a newborn baby, gradually introducing things a little at a time.  Many who have had this say their taste buds have changed drastically. Stuff they loved before they can't stand now. Things they never would have dreamed of eating are their favorites. Some things still can't be tolerated for years (or forever) after this life-altering surgery. But then there are others who do just fine and have no problems at all, it's just that it takes months and months to get back to somewhat normal.

They also warn of a rollercoaster of emotions due to hormonal changes from the surgery.  It looks like I'll be a hot mess for a while.

I will have to finally conquer the emotional eating. With a stomach that small if you eat too much you will become very ill. The doctor said "you'll learn within one bite what is too much". I really hate vomiting, so I'll be very careful. For many, sugar will make them violently ill immediately and sugar is my kryptonite.  The other oddity (and there are many) is that you cannot drink for 30 minutes before or after you eat so the stomach gets all the nutrients it can. I'm a fast eater-that will have to change also. You need to take a tiny bite, put the fork down and chew until it's mashed up completely before swallowing. This sounds awful, but you're only able to take about five bites anyway. The real challenge is to drink the 60-80 ounces of water each day, one tiny sip at a time so you don't get sick.

I've been practicing by testing out various protein drinks and shakes to see which I can tolerate as this is the fastest and easiest way to get in the protein required, especially at first. I'm learning from the support groups who people use the protein drinks they're not fond of to make a pudding using sugar free fat free pudding mixes and sometimes with zero calorie Cool-whip for more of a mousse. There are some very creative tricks out there and I'm trying out all of them.

So why am I going to put myself through all this?  Because I know myself and while I can be disciplined I'm subject to emotional eating during stress. This "tool" will help with that issue.  I've had people tell me they are surprised they'd allow me to do this because I'm not that heavy. This makes me chuckle because when did being over 100 pounds too heavy not "that heavy"?  I look forward to being able to do simple things like cross my legs, fit into any chair, not lose my breath trying to tie my shoelaces and so many other things a person usually takes for granted. With my height and bone structure I should weigh about 115-120.  So weighing 232 pounds is a bit much.

So, this is where it's at. I'll try to post more regularly and keep them smaller and perhaps with some photos. But! You're not going to see any before photos of me in my underwear. That would get me arrested for indecent exposure for sure!

Fat Cat hoping to be a skinny kitty