Day Fourteen

This quote really resonates with me. You might be able to mentally block reality in your own fantasy world but the body simply won't buy into that BS.  Scary that the body is smarter than the brain, huh?

I've always felt healthy and able to do most everything I wanted after I gained weight but there's all those hidden things going on inside.

Cholesterol that starts creeping up, sleep apnea, diabetes...and the list could go on and on. Or I could do something to change things.

I was able to continue playing pickleball while heavy and played pretty well. Then came a bout of plantar fasciitis that literally knocked me off my feet for about a year. I guess the body was telling me it "couldn't stand" what I was doing to it any more. I'm amazed that while playing as long as I did I didn't wreck my knees.

I wanted dearly to take advantage of the free line dance classes in our resort but couldn't continue due to the pain in my feet and how out of breath I would get.  Even walking became a chore and I found I used the golf cart or bike more and more.

I've made many apologies to my body lately for having abused it and letting my mind overrule what was really best for me. I fell into a trap of "treating" myself for any flimsy excuse I could find.  I did the grocery shopping. Good job...grab a cookie or three or four to eat on the way home. I deserve it. Food became my escape hatch for every emotion I felt, good or bad.

When you allow food to become a reward system it can cause havoc
with your health. I think it may have been implanted in my brain as a child. I was very skinny, always underweight and my Grandmother did everything she could to get calories into me. So, in my mind sugar equaled love.  Later in life, when there were times I didn't feel so very loved, I would grab a candy bar or some other sugary treat to make myself feel better.

I was raised on coca cola from an infant, literally. My mother put it in the bottle for me. It's not that she was a bad mother, during the 1950's it was recommended in posters and advertising. 

It's safe to say I've been a sugar addict all my life.

It's scary how advertising can influence your decisions and it's hard to remember that those ads are to line their pockets, they aren't really interested in your health. 

Remember those candy cigarettes when we were young?  We could look cool like everyone on TV and smoke just like them...with sugar shaped cigarettes. How long did cancer go unchecked before the warning labels went on the packs and smoking was no longer allowed in public places? The tobacco industry was very strong.

I've learned you have to become your own advocate for your health,  be careful where you get your information and question the motive of every ad you see.  Even some of the government ones that you'd like to think is really in your best interest but often is pandering to the highest paying lobbies.  Take the milk industry for example with how much milk you need to have strong bones. The US is the only country where adults continue to drink milk after childhood.

It's so frustrating to not know who to listen to!  But you know you can really trust?  Your body.  I've asked my body's forgiveness for how horribly I've treated it over the years and promised that I will never do that again.  This tool of having the gastric sleeve will guarantee it by being smaller and filling up fast. If I eat too much,  eat too fast or not chewed enough I will become ill and vomit. There's a real incentive to be mindful about your eating.

Yes, I know...weight loss surgery can fail too. But the thing my clinic has drilled into me is that this is not an easy fix or a magic wand.  In addition to the surgery you have to embrace a new lifestyle for the rest of your life. I will need to take specialized vitamins for life and follow a whole set of rules for when I eat and drink as well as how much. My clinic really wants us to succeed and follows up with us through our lifetime.

It's going to take a lot of work to adapt to this but I feel I'm literally saving my life by doing this.  I'm lucky to be given this second chance at a healthy life and I'm determined not to blow it.